‘We Felt Seen:’ How FIDF Helps Grandparents Of Fallen IDF Soldiers Heal Together

For more than a year, the Weisers grieved quietly. They poured themselves into helping their children and grandchildren survive the unbearable. Only later did they begin to understand what had been missing.

In November 2024, the couple joined 245 bereaved grandparents from across Israel at a four-day Bereaved Families Retreat organized by Friends of the Israel Defense Forces. The program is one of several FIDF initiatives to support the families of Israel’s fallen heroes. Other programs include Legacy Travel Programs and camps for children who have lost a parent or sibling in uniform; bereaved family retreats for spouses, partners, children, parents and siblings of the fallen; and After the Shiva, a program that pairs grieving families in financial need with supportive communities abroad, offering transitional financial assistance for up to three years.

At FIDF’s Bereaved Families Retreat for grandparents, for the first time, the Weisers found space to speak, to cry and to be seen.

“We learned the term ‘Standing Shiva,’ but not just as a phrase. It is what we lived,” Andy said. “As grandparents, we are standing, supporting our children, our grandchildren, while carrying our own grief. There is so little we can do and so few who see us. That is why I have the deepest gratitude to FIDF. They gave us the chance to feel seen.”

Ruthie, originally from New York, and Andy, originally from Maryland, met as teenagers at Camp Moshava in the United States. Forty-four years ago, they made Aliyah and raised their children in Karnei Shomron, where they built a home rooted in community, tradition and service. Their grandson, Roey, grew up in Efrat with that same spirit.

From his early years, Roey was a burst of energy. Athletic and mischievous, at age 10, he ran the Jerusalem Marathon under his sister’s name because he was too young to register. In elementary school, when the bell rang for recess, he would climb out the window to reach the soccer field before anyone else. He loved American football, music and his siblings Shani and Nadav and always managed to make those around him laugh.

“Just saying his name makes me smile,” Ruthie said.

As a first sergeant in the elite Golani Brigade, Roey was known for his fierce loyalty to the soldiers under his command. He deferred an acceptance to officer training school in order to stay with his soldiers, leading them through the end of their mandatory service.

“In the army, he grew into himself,” Ruthie said. “He loved his soldiers deeply, and they knew it. He was a true leader.”

That Simchat Torah weekend, Roey made sure as many of his soldiers as possible could go home to celebrate. He stayed behind with the small contingent required on base.

“Who knew what was coming?” Ruthie said. “And then came the attack.”

After his death, the Weisers left Karnei Shomron, moving to Jerusalem to be closer to Roey’s parents and siblings in Efrat.

“It was important for us to be near them,” Ruthie said. “To help them through the unimaginable. We could not be far away.”

In the months that followed, their own grief remained in the background. It was not because the pain was any less consuming, but because their priority was to support Roey’s parents and siblings.

“One of the most painful parts of losing a grandchild,” Ruthie explained, “is watching your child suffer and knowing there is nothing you can do to ease that pain. Every instinct as a parent tells you to fix it. But in this case, you are not what they need. So you stand, quietly, holding them up.”

It was at the FIDF Bereaved Families Retreat for grandparents that Ruthie and Andy allowed themselves to grieve out loud. Held in Givat Olga, the retreat brought together grandparents from across Israeli society, from cities to kibbutzim, from religious to secular. Their differences melted away in the face of a shared loss.

“There, we were a family,” Ruthie said. “No explanations were needed. Everyone understood. It felt like one long embrace.”

The program included music, lectures and support groups designed specifically for grandparents. For many, it was the first time they had spoken openly about their loss.

Ruthie still keeps in touch with a grandmother she met during the retreat, a woman she invited to join her for a meal, only to discover that their families had unknowingly crossed paths years earlier.

“The sense of warmth, of recognition, gave us the strength to carry on,” Andy said.

The couple often reflects on the path that brought them to Israel, including their upbringing, values and devotion to raising their children and now, grandchildren, to lead lives built around purpose and belief. Now it also includes heartbreak. And yet, as Andy said, it includes resilience too.

“Even after two years, the pain does not disappear,” Ruthie said softly. “It changes. You learn to live around it. But when someone takes your hand, looks you in the eye and truly understands, that is what FIDF gave us. They saw us.”

Their experience was so powerful that the Weisers already plan to return to the FIDF Bereaved Families Retreat for grandparents in November 2025.

For the Weisers, the FIDF Bereaved Families Retreat for grandparents did more than offer comfort. It allowed them to grieve. It reminded them that even in the deepest sorrow, they are not alone.

Friends of the Israel Defense Forces (FIDF) is dedicated to honoring and supporting the brave men and women of the IDF who risk everything to protect the State of Israel and the Jewish people. While the mission of the IDF’s heroes is to look after Israel, defending its people, borders and freedom, FIDF’s mission is to look after them. FIDF provides life-changing support through education, financial aid, bereavement programs, mental health services and more, ensuring that every soldier, veteran and bereaved family knows they are not alone. Through global partnerships and unwavering commitment, FIDF stands as a pillar of strength for those who sacrifice so much in service to the Jewish homeland. For more information, visit: https://www.fidf.org/